I know you know this...like in your brain...even if you dont always feel it in your heart (or rather the imposter syndrome voice wont shut up about it): You are not a burden. They do not resent you. That story of your mom and the fire is the best example. Flip the script. You are mom. Eloise is you. How do you think you feel. Grateful shes there? Fiercely protective? Willing to do whatever it takes to give her one second of respite and normalcy? Thats how mom felt. I promise. Not that you were a burden. Not that you were inconvenient. Not that she wished you were elsewhere and somebody else was caring for you. Heck, caring for you might have been HER coping measure. Because you were THERE. And she could see you, feel you, hug you (gently). Thats not burdensome. Its love. And they love you Tess. Sappy and earnest, but true. Anyway, sorry for the wall of text....just thought you needed to hear it.
It’s not just doctors who don’t believe you, it’s also the ones who (figuratively) have their eyes rolling up in their heads while they are figuring out how long they have to pretend to listen before they can leave.
I’m not okay. Thank you for being my inside voice on the full fucking outside.
I can’t wait for my “husband” (see booty call; see driver; see emergency contact; see hair holder and bag changer; see absolute pain in my ass and my biggest advocate; see my “who are you and where did you come from” man—- to read this.
Will I start hard-hitting interviewing him and record his answers? yes.
Will he hate it? Fuck yes. Will he indulge me anyway? A 1000% yes.
Thank you Tess (and Dr Dolinger) for sharing! You are such a GREAT writer!! So helpful to follow your story and thoughts as I deal with my own Crohn’s journey.
My mom has been medically disabled for a few years now and completely bedridden for a year and a half. Her caregiving falls to my dad, and my sister and I help as much as we can when we visit. I have an idea of the mental load she’s carrying, and how much she feels like a burden. She never wanted her daughters to be changing her diapers. But we just try to reassure her as much as we can that we love her and it’s our privilege to help take care of her if it means she’s still here with us and with her grandkids. Caregiving is tough, for sure, but you do everything you can for the people that you love.
thank you for this. daily i feel like some amount of a monumental burden to mostly my husband and occasionally my extended family, this hit incredibly close to home. fun fact - i discovered your videos on youtube when i was going through a lot and headed back to inpatient treatment…your energy and videos and realness were a bright spot in a very dark time, so thank you.
as i did during that time, i always look forward to your newsletter, youtube and random musings on instagram.
I know you know this...like in your brain...even if you dont always feel it in your heart (or rather the imposter syndrome voice wont shut up about it): You are not a burden. They do not resent you. That story of your mom and the fire is the best example. Flip the script. You are mom. Eloise is you. How do you think you feel. Grateful shes there? Fiercely protective? Willing to do whatever it takes to give her one second of respite and normalcy? Thats how mom felt. I promise. Not that you were a burden. Not that you were inconvenient. Not that she wished you were elsewhere and somebody else was caring for you. Heck, caring for you might have been HER coping measure. Because you were THERE. And she could see you, feel you, hug you (gently). Thats not burdensome. Its love. And they love you Tess. Sappy and earnest, but true. Anyway, sorry for the wall of text....just thought you needed to hear it.
Oof!! This one got me good. The doctors not listening…very real, very frustrating. Thank you for sending out this beacon each week.
It’s not just doctors who don’t believe you, it’s also the ones who (figuratively) have their eyes rolling up in their heads while they are figuring out how long they have to pretend to listen before they can leave.
"My favorite sickest fucks" hahaha. Love you, Tess. Thank you for this.
I’m not okay. Thank you for being my inside voice on the full fucking outside.
I can’t wait for my “husband” (see booty call; see driver; see emergency contact; see hair holder and bag changer; see absolute pain in my ass and my biggest advocate; see my “who are you and where did you come from” man—- to read this.
Will I start hard-hitting interviewing him and record his answers? yes.
Will he hate it? Fuck yes. Will he indulge me anyway? A 1000% yes.
HA, the opening Q&A! Anyway~~ another close-to-home newsletter for the books. Can’t wait for the next.
Thank you Tess (and Dr Dolinger) for sharing! You are such a GREAT writer!! So helpful to follow your story and thoughts as I deal with my own Crohn’s journey.
Would listen to this podcast ❤️
My mom has been medically disabled for a few years now and completely bedridden for a year and a half. Her caregiving falls to my dad, and my sister and I help as much as we can when we visit. I have an idea of the mental load she’s carrying, and how much she feels like a burden. She never wanted her daughters to be changing her diapers. But we just try to reassure her as much as we can that we love her and it’s our privilege to help take care of her if it means she’s still here with us and with her grandkids. Caregiving is tough, for sure, but you do everything you can for the people that you love.
thank you for this. daily i feel like some amount of a monumental burden to mostly my husband and occasionally my extended family, this hit incredibly close to home. fun fact - i discovered your videos on youtube when i was going through a lot and headed back to inpatient treatment…your energy and videos and realness were a bright spot in a very dark time, so thank you.
as i did during that time, i always look forward to your newsletter, youtube and random musings on instagram.